As this for a neat, frisky counter-hopper;

Here he may revel to his heart's content,

Flounce like a fish in his own element,

Toss back his fine curls from their forehead fair,

And hop o'er counters with a Vester's air,

Complete at night what he began A.M.,

And having cheated ladies, dance with them;

For, at a ball, what fair one can escape

The pretty little hand that sold her tape,

Or who so cold, so callous to refuse

The youth who cut the ribbon for her shoes!

One of these fish, par excellence the beau—

God help me!—it has been my lot to know,

At least by sight, for I'm a timid man,

And always keep from laughing, if I can;

But speak to him, he'll make you such grimace,

Lord! to be grave exceeds the power of face.

The hearts of all the ladies are with him,

Their bright eyes on his Tom and Jerry brim

And dove-tailed coat, obtained at cost; while then

Those eyes won't turn on anything like men.

His very voice is musical delight,

His form, once seen, becomes a part of sight;

In short, his shirt collar, his look, his tone is

The "beau ideal" fancied for Adonis.

Philosophers have often held dispute

As to the seat of thought in man and brute;

For that the power of thought attends the latter

My friend, the beau, hath made a settled matter,

And spite of all dogmas, current in all ages,

One settled fact is better than ten sages.

For he does think, though I'm oft in doubt

If I can tell exactly what about.

Ah, yes! his little foot and ankle trim,

'Tis there the seat of reason lies in him,

A wise philosopher would shake his head,

He then, of course, must shake his foot instead.

At me, in vengeance, shall that foot be shaken—

Another proof of thought, I'm not mistaken—

Because to his cat's eyes I hold a glass,

And let him see himself, a proper ass!

I think he'll take this likeness to himself,

But if he won't, he shall, a stupid elf,

And, lest the guessing throw the fool in fits,

I close the portrait with the name of PITTS.

(1827)